Saturday, September 15, 2018

Dear Michelle...

Dear Michelle 

I wish I could tell you what is about to occur, I wish I could tell you the pain your about to endure. I wish I could fast forward to the good parts of your life so you could understand the reasoning behind what is about to happen.

     You are six years old and about to go through trials and tribulations that will last a lifetime. You are about to go through pain that someone at the tender age of six should never have to. As you ride up on your bike with your sister, you hear loud music playing and it’s the song your dad always says reminds him of you “She's got ruby red lips, blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm about to bid my heart goodbye”
those we’re the lyrics that made you feel so special, that would replay in your head often to bring back one out of the two memories you have, and that being the only valuable memory you will ever remember from him.
   He’s being hauled off and you don’t really understand why he isn’t around anymore, why you can’t see him, why he just left. No one is really saying much because they don’t want to hurt you, You cry a lot. You feel sadness and struggle. You occasionally get gifts and poems in the mail from him that you look forward to because they are handmade with love and they give hope that he is coming back soon but you still don’t understand why he isn’t here...

      You are now ten years old and you are told that he is finally coming home. You are hopeful that finally you can have a dad again, but you have no idea that the pain is going to continue. That it would have been better for him to just not have come back because then you wouldn’t have to look someone you love in the eyes when they tell you that they don’t want you anymore. That he is leaving and he doesn’t want to see you anymore. You would never know that this moment would lead you to a lifetime of pain, a lifetime of self doubt, of always feeling unworthy of love. You have no idea that this moment would completely separate your family, to put a divide into the way a family is suppose to function. You have no idea that this moment will make you feel isolated and alone through your many years of adolescence. 
Over the next 20 years of your life you will be disappointed by men over and over again. You will feel alone more then you will ever feel loved. You will feel like you want it all to end more times then you can count, you will struggle, you will know more pain then anyone ever should. You will be abandoned, deceived, you will lose all faith in people and you will lose your joy. You will try to fill the gaps of that emptiness that fills your heart by becoming an over achiever , by creating an incredible life that will cover up the pain so that no one sees your struggle. You will put on a brave face and you will smile through the hardships. 

   My feisty, strong-headed, fierce, genuine, loveable and kind Michelle I wish I could take away all your pain, I wish that I could have been there to tell you through all the troubles that you have a God who has created you to be exactly who you are suppose to be, who loves you more then any person ever could. Who wants to be the father you never had. Who has numbered the hairs on our head, who has breathed life into you + who has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
When you finally feel the presence of God in life, you are desperate to know him, for him to speak into your life, and become the guardian of your days here on earth that lead you to an eternal life with him. He delivers consistently and shows you love, he shows you abundance and he shows you joy. You realize that there will still be struggle, pain, and grief, but that he will be your safe place. Michelle I wish I could have told you sooner that he calls you “more then a conquerer” and that nothing will be able to separate you from his love. 
    He will carry the burden for you and you will finally find peace through him. 

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Have a Little Faith...

A new city full of life, adventure and new possibilities. I sit here wondering what I did to deserve all the blessings in my life. My life has been a journey of never-ending opportunities, a journey of great people, of adventure, of abundance. 

  Sometimes I think that because I had such a horrible childhood that God is giving me the things I missed out on, or that I am being blessed because I had to go through so much to be where I am now, but then I also think maybe I feel so blessed because of everything I have been through and because I have been through so much I can appreciate the abundance so much more. 

  Life throws you a lot of curve balls, and I have really came to the revelation lately that your perspective is a choice. I have a choice to wake up everyday and choose joy, gratitude, a choice in how I treat people or what I give back. Recently I knew I wasn’t happy where I was at, I knew I was being called somewhere else, but I allowed fear to grip at my inner being and I remained stagnant for far too long. I sat in the same place, doing the same thing for longer then I should have. I needed to trust! 

    On my first full day in Toronto, God blessed me with two amazing people that I had met in Vancouver through a church group I was in. This beautiful couple welcomed me with open arms my first day and spent the whole day with me, taking me to church, making me lunch and welcoming me into their home, showing me around the city and just ultimately loving me. We had great conversations and I took so much away from our time together.

       One thing that I learned from our time together was in the whole world there is two common languages which are #1 fear or #2 faith. In every situation you come across people respond in one of those two ways. If you tell someone about your dreams, your goals and your aspirations typically they respond in one of two ways they either knock you down (out of fear) or they push you forward (out of faith). 
  My whole upbringing I was consistently told that I would not make anything of myself, that I would do nothing and ultimately that in everything I did I would fail and until this conversation I never realized that people would tell me this out of their own fear not out of mine. 

        I am sure many of you have been through something similar at one point or another being torn down instead of raised up, but I want to challenge you to respond to others out of faith and leave your fear behind, but also when others respond to you just ask yourself, are they responding out of fear or out of faith? Sometimes it has nothing to do with you and all to do with what they have been taught or what they have been through. 

     You have the ability and gifts to do anything your heart desires and God has a greater purpose for your life then you have for your own. You may not think you have capabilities but I believe “with God all things are possible.” 

Isiah 55:9 says “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”. Prepare to do great things in Your Life and respond by taking the leap of faith to do them!!


Sunday, September 2, 2018

Why I Gave Up Dating?

I want to have Intentional relationships!

   I have been single for two and half years. Yup two and a half years!!
      I have had a lot of people ask me why I am not dating so I thought I would write about it

   I gave up dating for very specific reasons and this is not to say I won’t date again but when I do decide to date again I will do so open heartedly and with purpose. Most people I know date as a sport, and I used to be guilty of this too. I used to date around with no real care about it, but I have watched my friends over and over again tell me how lost they feel, how empty it makes them and how unfulfilled they are by dating and I used to feel that way to. Our generation has changed the way we date. It is easier then ever to swipe and find your next date. No-one courts anyone anymore because they don't have to or because they fear rejection. It is so rare to actually just strike up a conversation with a stranger or ask someone out face to face. (it just doesn't happen anymore). People have become so accessible that they are now just a face on a screen. 
     I have only ever been exposed to relationships that do more healing and fixing then they do preparation. In life when we run a marathon we prepare for it, when we compete in something we do the work to be the best competitor, when we take tests at school we prepare for it, when we go on a trip we do the research and prepare for it, yet in relationships we never prepare for them. 

So what does it mean to be living with purpose and dating with purpose?

   I would rather spend time with people who have purpose in my life, people who add value and people who will be there forever not just people who will be around for a season to fill a temporary void. 

    I was listening to a podcast from John Grey and he said something that really spoke to me he said “The more you become influential the smaller your circle gets. Find people that you cannot con. Some people need to be kept at a distance because of the level of purpose on your life. You cannot waste time on people who don’t understand. You are not being lifted, you are being launched. You aren’t gradually ascending, you are rapidly ascending and the higher you go the more oxygen you need, so don’t have people in your space that are taking up oxygen that you will need on your journey”.

    In other words people who you surround yourself will either give you life or they will take it away. I don’t want to add a relationship in my life that will take life from me and not push me forward. I believe that God has a big purpose for me and I know that if I get into the wrong relationship I will never fulfill that purpose.  

How can we fully love someone else and be in relationships until we really love ourselves?
    In the past I have been in relationships that have taken life from me, that have consumed my energy, my thoughts, and my life in a negative way. I don’t regret any of the relationships I have had because they have all taught me lessons, and I wouldn’t be who I am without them, but ultimately I did not love myself through these years and I certainly didn't take the time to get to know myself. 

    Our seasons of singleness is probably one of the most important times in our life because we have no responsibilities but to ourselves. That means ultimately it is the only chance you get to really spend time getting to know and love you. So if you are in a season of singleness I would advise that you enjoy it, you become the best version of yourself, spend time figuring out who you are and what your purpose is and when the timing is right, the right person will appear and you will have a stronger relationship because of it. 

   Regardless of whatever season you are in, if it is being single, dating, in a relationship or married I would advise you to watch this Relationship Goals series by Pastor Michael Todd at Transformation Church. It changed my view, my outlook and ultimately made me more content in my current season.