Thursday, December 13, 2018


Emotional Chaos that I cannot control 
Insecurities that haven’t been present for years
Not feeling worthy, loved or good enough at anything.
Feeling like I am constantly being judged by others 

Feeling loneliness, sadness and feeling so far from everyone yet in close corners to too many people..

 these are just some of the things I have been feeling and I have to tell you I would love them to get out of my head and unfortunately it’s easier said than done. 

    I knew I would be uncomfortable in this season, but I just didn’t know how uncomfortable I would be. It seemed too easy and seamless. I felt like God lined up everything perfectly and he did, but the more I got settled, the more uncomfortable I was. The more I felt like God’s big calling should consist of more and sooner.  

 The more I felt planted the more I didn’t appreciate where I was planted because of the feelings inside my head telling me I was not good enough.
The more I felt right, the more I wanted to go run, hide and never come out. 

But I know when you are on the right path, challenges come from the enemy. The more you feel you are going forward the more the doubts, the fears, and the struggle is present. 

God has given me vision for my life, and to be honest it scares me. He has given me vision that I really don’t know how to bring to life. He has came to me in a series of dreams that I didn’t know how to understand until I prayed and got clarity of what they were about. 
 I know he has called me for big things, bigger things than I am capable of, but I don’t have to be capable, because God is capable of everything. 

I know he has me in this season for a reason and that in his timing things will come into fruition.  My biggest fear is to not live out his calling on my life. He says “Be still and know that I am God”, but I have trouble being still, not trying to push forward and do more when right now he is asking me to be still in this season and allow him to do the good work in me. 

I have to give myself some grace that I just uprooted my entire life and started all over and that it takes time to build a firm foundation.
How do you build a firm foundation -> you plant yourself firmly 

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Sow The Seeds Today To Be More Fruitful For Tomorrow

If you asked me a year ago if I would be sitting here in my new apartment in Toronto preaching the power of God and how he led me here, I would have laughed in your face, but  here I am and this is my journey. 

 People often say to me that they wish they could have the courage to do what I did and sell everything and move somewhere else, but do they really want to make the sacrifices? 

    Most people have a path they want to take, a goal, an objective and I don’t.  I have a God who I believe is guiding my every step and has laid out a path for me. He is the lamp under my feet and a light unto my path. Are you really willing to give up your own agenda to surrender to Gods plan?

Matthew 10:39 says “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”
  I never thought I would be the girl who stopped chasing her dreams and stopped needing to have control over everything, but here I am surrendering and saying I don’t want to be in control. I am living life one day at a time sowing the seeds today to be more fruitful for tomorrow.
 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” - Matthew 6:34 

Are you willing to lose your life to find it again?

Monday, November 5, 2018

Saturday, November 3, 2018

My Faith Journey to Toronto

I can’t help but feel like I am on this incredible new journey into the unknown path that God has for me. I have prayed and reached out for clarity, for deliverance and that he will always lead’s me down his path, instead of my own. 
   People ask me if I am nervous and I can honestly say that I am not. I am not nervous because I feel so at peace that this is the right path I need to take. Everything has aligned thus far in God’s perfect timing instead of my own.

A bit about my journey to Toronto:

  When I first felt God’s call to move to Toronto I wasn’t sure on the date of the move because I had a lot going on over the next few months and work was going into busy season, on top of that I had to sell all my belongings so I wanted to ensure I had time for to do that. I prayed about it and finally decided I would move November 1st and a week after I decided the date (and I hadn’t told anyone yet) my landlord told me she was selling the apartment I currently live in and had to be out November 1st. Then a couple from my church asked me about the place, came and viewed it and then bought the apartment two days later. (Talk about God’s timing). 
 I had booked a trip to Toronto the first week of September to check out different area’s and hopefully look into apartments (although if I was moving in November then September was a little to far in advance to look for an apartment). I was only going to move into a shared apartment or room as I knew furnishing a new place would be expensive and I wasn’t sure about work, but I saw an apartment listed and instantly had a feeling about it. I emailed about it and viewed it the day before flying back to Vancouver. 

     When I was in the apartment I kept hearing God tell me that he isn’t pulling me backwards, he is pushing me forward and I instantly knew I had to set my standards of living to the same living standards I was living in Vancouver. The landlord showed it to me and didn’t even respond to any other email inquiries because he liked my email and how I had presented myself (which if you know the rental market in Toronto, this is crazy in itself) and I ended up signing the lease and finding a home. (God is so Gracious) 

   Before signing the lease and knowing what area I would be living in, I saw a job posting for a job that I knew would fit me so well. I applied for it, and ended up getting an interview with the company (as they are based in Vancouver). 50% of the interview we ended up talking about my faith and God’s plan for me (which I am always a bit hesitant to bring up to people I don’t know, especially in a professional setting). They said I was so refreshing and that I am going to thrive in my life. It was just another confirmation that I am on God’s path and not my own. Oh, and the job just happens to be basically on the same street as my new apartment. I didn’t hear back about the job for about a month and I was eager, anxiously awaiting, checking my emails multiple times daily.  

     It was a long process of waiting, then I felt God tell me I hadn’t surrendered everything to him yet and that I wouldn’t receive job security until I realized that he was my security and nothing else. I felt him telling me to put half my savings into my investments so I couldn’t touch it when I got to Toronto and so I did. I knew if I was going on this journey God’s way then I needed to rely on him as my security instead of a job or bank account. The day after I invested my money I heard back that I got the job. It would have been too easy to receive the blessing of this job right away, but instead God had to work on my foundation so I would surrender everything to him. 
 Of course occasionally I couldn’t help but to worry about things like will I get the job?(before I got the job) or the stress of finding an apartment (before I found one),  or am I making the right choice? Financially is this sustainable (new city, same high prices), and I have to refurnish a new apartment, which if anyone has to start over from scratch financially that takes you back a lot (and if you know me I am always someone who needs to be going forward in life instead of backwards). All these things are not God’s path but the enemy trying to tell me I am not worthy, that I need to have fear and anxiety through this journey, but then I pray about all these things and the first verse that usually pops in my head is “Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6. 

and I go right back into TRUST! 

     Trusting that God’s plan is better then my plan, that he has plans to prosper me, to not harm me but to give me hope and a future. He has lined up everything for me, and he is already exceeding my expectations of what is to come.
Matthew 19:29  says “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.”

God promises that those who leave their home or property and surrender to him will receive a hundred times as much. & I believe that the blessings he is about to uncover in my life will be more then I could ever ask for. 

God is leading the way and I am so excited to see where he is taking me. 

So I leave you with this “Have faith in God,”  Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain,
‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” -Mark 11:23 

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Building Firm Roots

We live in a world full of connection, yet we are isolated more then ever. I purposely cut off my internet a month prior to moving across the country to see what it would feel like to be disconnected (Yes I still have my phone, but I have put limits on my social media accounts). 
    To be closed off to what everyone else was posting and more in tune with where I was, what my foundation looked like and the direction my life was headed. By cutting off connection I found more connection to those around me, I felt more compassion to the world outside my own and I was able to seek more wisdom from God that gave me direction of the things I had to work on in myself so that in return I could build a solid foundation through Christ.

  We live in a comparison culture. A culture who will never love the season they are currently in because they are so busy comparing their lives to those around them, but let me tell you SOCIAL MEDIA IS A LIE. We consistently post our victories, our triumphs, but rarely do we post our mistakes, our hardships and our failures. We post clean houses, flawless faces + all the lush things credit cards can buy, but rarely do we post our outtakes, our messy lives and our credit card statements. God made you for a purpose and he made you with your own unique gifts and if you spend the time building yourself in the season that God has you planted in then you will reap real rewards and an abundant life through him.

    The season you are in is just as important as the season God is preparing you for, why? because everyone needs a strong foundation. How do you build a strong foundation? You put down solid roots.  If you don’t have solid roots eventually they will crumble. In Matthew 13:3-6 Jesus speaks in parables "Behold, the sower went out to sow; and as he sowed, some seeds fell beside the road, and the birds came and ate them up. "Others fell on the rocky places, where they did not have much soil; and immediately they sprang up, because they had no depth of soil." If you do not build roots in your life then how do you expect to grow strong and firm in your foundation. 

3 ways you can build your roots this week:
Maybe you ask how do I know what I need to work on?
You can usually find this by where anxiety lives, where the pressure lives and where you are trying to control something. Did you know that 90% of things you worry about never even happens! NEVER- just think that is 90% of time you cannot get back because you were too busy full of worry.

1.) Check in with yourself and reflect- We all have something we need to work on. What do you need to work on this week. 
Which means Are you able to tune in to know what your body needs? Maybe that means more rest, better nourishment, more activity etc. Only you will know what your body needs and when it runs smoother then you will be able to be more productive.

This week by reflecting I realized that I need to work on putting my trust in God as I head on this new journey and knowing that he is my security and my bank account is not. I am not one to care about how much money or stuff I have, but I do worry about security in a job, in a bank account balance and by being in control of my security instead of letting God take the reigns.

2.)Your Body + Health is Vital- If things are not working in your body, then everything crumbles. Your body works through every movement you have, so are you giving it life or are you taking life away from it?

My whole life my body has been quite a mess. I have always had stomach issues and 95% of the time was in pain after I ate. Recently I had enough and really wanted to work on what was going on so I saw a naturopath and found out I had food allergies that I was not aware of. Now that I am aware of them I am able to fix the problems and work on my body from the inside out. 

3.)Wisdom - Where are you gaining wisdom from? Are you looking to social media to direct your steps or are you seeking Godly counsel and direction from God to guide you. Seek out those who inspire you, those who you want to be more like. You cannot get further ahead if you surround yourself with people who are pulling you backwards. Watch where you are spending your time and also where the wisdom you are seeking comes from. 

"But when the sun had risen, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away.
Through this new journey I have felt the call of God more times then I can count and I am so grateful that I can tune in to his wisdom allowing him to lead me, plus having so many prayer warriors in my life to help me on the journey. 

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Dear Michelle...

Dear Michelle 

I wish I could tell you what is about to occur, I wish I could tell you the pain your about to endure. I wish I could fast forward to the good parts of your life so you could understand the reasoning behind what is about to happen.

     You are six years old and about to go through trials and tribulations that will last a lifetime. You are about to go through pain that someone at the tender age of six should never have to. As you ride up on your bike with your sister, you hear loud music playing and it’s the song your dad always says reminds him of you “She's got ruby red lips, blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm about to bid my heart goodbye”
those we’re the lyrics that made you feel so special, that would replay in your head often to bring back one out of the two memories you have, and that being the only valuable memory you will ever remember from him.
   He’s being hauled off and you don’t really understand why he isn’t around anymore, why you can’t see him, why he just left. No one is really saying much because they don’t want to hurt you, You cry a lot. You feel sadness and struggle. You occasionally get gifts and poems in the mail from him that you look forward to because they are handmade with love and they give hope that he is coming back soon but you still don’t understand why he isn’t here...

      You are now ten years old and you are told that he is finally coming home. You are hopeful that finally you can have a dad again, but you have no idea that the pain is going to continue. That it would have been better for him to just not have come back because then you wouldn’t have to look someone you love in the eyes when they tell you that they don’t want you anymore. That he is leaving and he doesn’t want to see you anymore. You would never know that this moment would lead you to a lifetime of pain, a lifetime of self doubt, of always feeling unworthy of love. You have no idea that this moment would completely separate your family, to put a divide into the way a family is suppose to function. You have no idea that this moment will make you feel isolated and alone through your many years of adolescence. 
Over the next 20 years of your life you will be disappointed by men over and over again. You will feel alone more then you will ever feel loved. You will feel like you want it all to end more times then you can count, you will struggle, you will know more pain then anyone ever should. You will be abandoned, deceived, you will lose all faith in people and you will lose your joy. You will try to fill the gaps of that emptiness that fills your heart by becoming an over achiever , by creating an incredible life that will cover up the pain so that no one sees your struggle. You will put on a brave face and you will smile through the hardships. 

   My feisty, strong-headed, fierce, genuine, loveable and kind Michelle I wish I could take away all your pain, I wish that I could have been there to tell you through all the troubles that you have a God who has created you to be exactly who you are suppose to be, who loves you more then any person ever could. Who wants to be the father you never had. Who has numbered the hairs on our head, who has breathed life into you + who has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
When you finally feel the presence of God in life, you are desperate to know him, for him to speak into your life, and become the guardian of your days here on earth that lead you to an eternal life with him. He delivers consistently and shows you love, he shows you abundance and he shows you joy. You realize that there will still be struggle, pain, and grief, but that he will be your safe place. Michelle I wish I could have told you sooner that he calls you “more then a conquerer” and that nothing will be able to separate you from his love. 
    He will carry the burden for you and you will finally find peace through him. 

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Have a Little Faith...

A new city full of life, adventure and new possibilities. I sit here wondering what I did to deserve all the blessings in my life. My life has been a journey of never-ending opportunities, a journey of great people, of adventure, of abundance. 

  Sometimes I think that because I had such a horrible childhood that God is giving me the things I missed out on, or that I am being blessed because I had to go through so much to be where I am now, but then I also think maybe I feel so blessed because of everything I have been through and because I have been through so much I can appreciate the abundance so much more. 

  Life throws you a lot of curve balls, and I have really came to the revelation lately that your perspective is a choice. I have a choice to wake up everyday and choose joy, gratitude, a choice in how I treat people or what I give back. Recently I knew I wasn’t happy where I was at, I knew I was being called somewhere else, but I allowed fear to grip at my inner being and I remained stagnant for far too long. I sat in the same place, doing the same thing for longer then I should have. I needed to trust! 

    On my first full day in Toronto, God blessed me with two amazing people that I had met in Vancouver through a church group I was in. This beautiful couple welcomed me with open arms my first day and spent the whole day with me, taking me to church, making me lunch and welcoming me into their home, showing me around the city and just ultimately loving me. We had great conversations and I took so much away from our time together.

       One thing that I learned from our time together was in the whole world there is two common languages which are #1 fear or #2 faith. In every situation you come across people respond in one of those two ways. If you tell someone about your dreams, your goals and your aspirations typically they respond in one of two ways they either knock you down (out of fear) or they push you forward (out of faith). 
  My whole upbringing I was consistently told that I would not make anything of myself, that I would do nothing and ultimately that in everything I did I would fail and until this conversation I never realized that people would tell me this out of their own fear not out of mine. 

        I am sure many of you have been through something similar at one point or another being torn down instead of raised up, but I want to challenge you to respond to others out of faith and leave your fear behind, but also when others respond to you just ask yourself, are they responding out of fear or out of faith? Sometimes it has nothing to do with you and all to do with what they have been taught or what they have been through. 

     You have the ability and gifts to do anything your heart desires and God has a greater purpose for your life then you have for your own. You may not think you have capabilities but I believe “with God all things are possible.” 

Isiah 55:9 says “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”. Prepare to do great things in Your Life and respond by taking the leap of faith to do them!!