I want to have Intentional relationships!
I have been single for two and half years. Yup two and a half years!!
I have had a lot of people ask me why I am not dating so I thought I would write about it.
I gave up dating for very specific reasons and this is not to say I won’t date again but when I do decide to date again I will do so open heartedly and with purpose. Most people I know date as a sport, and I used to be guilty of this too. I used to date around with no real care about it, but I have watched my friends over and over again tell me how lost they feel, how empty it makes them and how unfulfilled they are by dating and I used to feel that way to. Our generation has changed the way we date. It is easier then ever to swipe and find your next date. No-one courts anyone anymore because they don't have to or because they fear rejection. It is so rare to actually just strike up a conversation with a stranger or ask someone out face to face. (it just doesn't happen anymore). People have become so accessible that they are now just a face on a screen.
I have only ever been exposed to relationships that do more healing and fixing then they do preparation. In life when we run a marathon we prepare for it, when we compete in something we do the work to be the best competitor, when we take tests at school we prepare for it, when we go on a trip we do the research and prepare for it, yet in relationships we never prepare for them.
So what does it mean to be living with purpose and dating with purpose?
I would rather spend time with people who have purpose in my life, people who add value and people who will be there forever not just people who will be around for a season to fill a temporary void.
I was listening to a podcast from John Grey and he said something that really spoke to me he said “The more you become influential the smaller your circle gets. Find people that you cannot con. Some people need to be kept at a distance because of the level of purpose on your life. You cannot waste time on people who don’t understand. You are not being lifted, you are being launched. You aren’t gradually ascending, you are rapidly ascending and the higher you go the more oxygen you need, so don’t have people in your space that are taking up oxygen that you will need on your journey”.
In other words people who you surround yourself will either give you life or they will take it away. I don’t want to add a relationship in my life that will take life from me and not push me forward. I believe that God has a big purpose for me and I know that if I get into the wrong relationship I will never fulfill that purpose.
How can we fully love someone else and be in relationships until we really love ourselves?
In the past I have been in relationships that have taken life from me, that have consumed my energy, my thoughts, and my life in a negative way. I don’t regret any of the relationships I have had because they have all taught me lessons, and I wouldn’t be who I am without them, but ultimately I did not love myself through these years and I certainly didn't take the time to get to know myself.
Our seasons of singleness is probably one of the most important times in our life because we have no responsibilities but to ourselves. That means ultimately it is the only chance you get to really spend time getting to know and love you. So if you are in a season of singleness I would advise that you enjoy it, you become the best version of yourself, spend time figuring out who you are and what your purpose is and when the timing is right, the right person will appear and you will have a stronger relationship because of it.
Regardless of whatever season you are in, if it is being single, dating, in a relationship or married I would advise you to watch this Relationship Goals series by Pastor Michael Todd at Transformation Church. It changed my view, my outlook and ultimately made me more content in my current season.