Thursday, December 13, 2018

Chaos



Emotional Chaos that I cannot control 
Insecurities that haven’t been present for years
Not feeling worthy, loved or good enough at anything.
Feeling like I am constantly being judged by others 

Feeling loneliness, sadness and feeling so far from everyone yet in close corners to too many people..

 these are just some of the things I have been feeling and I have to tell you I would love them to get out of my head and unfortunately it’s easier said than done. 

    I knew I would be uncomfortable in this season, but I just didn’t know how uncomfortable I would be. It seemed too easy and seamless. I felt like God lined up everything perfectly and he did, but the more I got settled, the more uncomfortable I was. The more I felt like God’s big calling should consist of more and sooner.  

 The more I felt planted the more I didn’t appreciate where I was planted because of the feelings inside my head telling me I was not good enough.
The more I felt right, the more I wanted to go run, hide and never come out. 

But I know when you are on the right path, challenges come from the enemy. The more you feel you are going forward the more the doubts, the fears, and the struggle is present. 


God has given me vision for my life, and to be honest it scares me. He has given me vision that I really don’t know how to bring to life. He has came to me in a series of dreams that I didn’t know how to understand until I prayed and got clarity of what they were about. 
 I know he has called me for big things, bigger things than I am capable of, but I don’t have to be capable, because God is capable of everything. 

I know he has me in this season for a reason and that in his timing things will come into fruition.  My biggest fear is to not live out his calling on my life. He says “Be still and know that I am God”, but I have trouble being still, not trying to push forward and do more when right now he is asking me to be still in this season and allow him to do the good work in me. 

I have to give myself some grace that I just uprooted my entire life and started all over and that it takes time to build a firm foundation.
How do you build a firm foundation -> you plant yourself firmly 

No comments:

Post a Comment